


paper crown

by Schriftstellerexcerpts



Series: words are all i have (to take your heart away) [4]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 08:39:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16155521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schriftstellerexcerpts/pseuds/Schriftstellerexcerpts
Summary: “So what’s the deal with Waverly?” Nicole had asked.“What do you mean?” Wynonna had questioned before drinking straight from the bottle.Nicole remembers shrugging, not really sure how to ask. “She seems standoffish. Nice, but standoffish.”“If you knew what that girl has been through, then you’d understand,” Wynonna had told her, passing her the wine bottle. “She’s had a shitty life. She’s never felt good enough. Part of the reason she feels that way is because of me; because of my choices.”“What happened to her?”Wynonna had blinked a few times, processing the question. “She’s loved a lot of shitty people who’ve hurt her; who’ve left her, including me. If you want the short version, she’s a hot mess with a broken everything.”





	paper crown

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, all! Sorry I didn't get the chance to update yesterday. I was unexpectedly busy. This one was requested by @Promptpromptprompt! Also, I just started college classes and I'm working a part time job, so "you can have my heart (i don't let nobody see that)" will now be updated once a week. On Mondays, I'm thinking. Be on the lookout for a new chapter possibly later tonight or early in the morning. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy.

**“Paper Crown” Alec Benjamin (2014)**

 

_A paper crown_

_and a heart made of glass_

_a tattered gown_

_and a kingdom of ash_

 

Nicole knows Waverly has insecurities; knows that she’s been through so damn much that she’s damaged goods. She sees it in the way Waverly always needs to be touching Nicole somehow when they’re together, whether it be holding hands or simply touching shoulders; she sees it in the way Waverly always texts her to see where she’s at; she sees it in the way Waverly looks at her when she says that she’s going to go drinking with Wynonna; she sees it in the way Waverly always needs reassurance, which Nicole is always present to give her.

 

There are times where Waverly will completely close Nicole off for no reason at all. She’ll come home from work, change into her pajamas, and go to sleep without so much as a glance at Nicole. There are also times where Waverly will pick stupid, irrelevant fights just to test to see if Nicole will break things off or not. Hell, there are even times where Waverly will act like they’re not even together. Nicole knows there are reasons Waverly acts this way; knows that she’s been hurt far too many times to count, but she also wishes Waverly knew that Nicole loves her more than anything on this Earth.

 

It’s hard sometimes, being with Waverly. Sometimes Nicole wants to scream and cry and just walk away, but she can’t. Not when Waverly needs her; not when Waverly loves her. She knows Waverly loves her, even if she can’t say it out loud yet. Nicole makes sure she tells Waverly she loves her everyday, not to pressure her into saying it back, but just to make sure she knows. They could be in the middle of a fight and Nicole will take the time to say, “Waves, I love you.” It’s something she vowed to herself, that if she ever got a chance to be with Waverly Earp; to love her, then she’d say it to her everyday for as long as Waverly wanted to hear it. Hell, even if she didn’t want to hear it, Nicole would say it.

 

Sometimes the fights get so bad that Nicole has to leave. Not because she doesn’t love Waverly; not because she’s a coward, but because she needs time to cool off. She doesn’t want to say anything she doesn’t mean; doesn’t want to yell at Waverly. Even when Waverly is screaming at her and accusing her, Nicole doesn’t yell. She simply stands there and takes it before she comes up with a rebuttal. Usually that’s when she has to leave, when Waverly accuses her still. They always make up soon after. Waverly will always call and apologize and Nicole will tell her she loves her. It’s like clockwork. Broken, tear-filled clockwork.

 

Nicole wants it to stop, the fighting. She hates fighting with Waverly, especially when Waverly has fears that she should never have. She’ll stand there and accuse Nicole of cheating on her with Samantha Baker. Sometimes she’ll even accuse her of cheating on her with Chrissy Nedley. Her bosses daughter, for goodness sake. Nicole will always assure Waverly that she doesn’t anyone else; that Waverly is _it_ for her. She blames Champ for some of Waverly’s insecurities. Nicole is patient, though, and she always tells Waverly with a calm and collected voice that she’s all Nicole’s ever wanted and why would she ruin that for one night with someone else.

 

They’ve been together a year. It’s been a whole year of sweet kisses, pointless fights, and needed reassurance. Despite the fights, it’s been the best year of Nicole’s life. She’s been given the opportunity to love Waverly Earp and she wouldn’t trade that for anything.

 

s _he walks alone_

_she can never look back_

_the story of a queen whose castle has fallen to the sea_

 

There was a moment in time where Waverly kept Nicole an arms length away, before they were together. She would only ever greet her with a polite smile or a quick “hi.” Sometimes she even avoided being in a room with Nicole. Nicole never understood why, not until the first time she kissed Waverly. That was when Waverly finally let her in a little bit; finally let her break down her walls, if only for a few minutes. Waverly spilled out all of her insecurities, told Nicole that she was scared of her, then kissed her like her life depended on it.

 

Nicole remembers asking Wynonna what Waverly’s deal was. They were sitting in the station, drinking cheap wine. Nicole had to stay late to do paperwork and Wynonna had stopped in after getting off of work herself. They bonded over the fact that they weren’t invited to Waverly’s party.

 

“So what’s the deal with Waverly?” Nicole had asked.

 

“What do you mean?” Wynonna had questioned before drinking straight from the bottle.

 

Nicole remembers shrugging, not really sure how to ask. “She seems standoffish. Nice, but standoffish.”

 

“If you knew what that girl has been through, then you’d understand,” Wynonna had told her, passing her the wine bottle. “She’s had a shitty life. She’s never felt good enough. Part of the reason she feels that way is because of me; because of my choices.”

 

“What happened to her?”

 

Wynonna had blinked a few times, processing the question. “She’s loved a lot of shitty people who’ve hurt her; who’ve left her, including me. If you want the short version, she’s a hot mess with a broken everything.”

 

_she’ll make it out_

_but she’s never the same_

_she’s looking down_

_at the scars that remain_

 

Nicole wonders if Champ ever laid a hand on Waverly because sometimes, when they’re fighting, and Nicole tries to walk closer to her; tries to reach out for her, Waverly will flinch and turn away. Nicole never asks, though. She’s too scared of what Waverly’s answer will be; too scared of what _her_ reaction will be. So she always just stands there and pleads for Waverly to look at her; pleads for Waverly to understand that she’ll never, ever hurt her.

 

Sometimes Waverly’s jealously gets so out of hand that Nicole doesn’t know what to do; doesn’t know the right words to say. They could simply be going grocery shopping and Waverly will snarl at anyone who looks at Nicole the wrong way. When Nicole visits her at Shorty’s and someone comes up to her to have a conversation, Waverly will interrupt and touch Nicole in all the places she can when they’re in public, to make sure that everyone knows Nicole is hers.

 

Nicole begs Waverly to completely let her in; to let her love her in all of the ways she deserves. They’ll be fighting and Nicole will literally be begging for Waverly to calm down and tell her all of her insecurities. Waverly will always shake her head, tears streaming down her face, and continue yelling at her. When Nicole leaves, she goes to wherever Wynonna is. Wynonna never questions it, but she can always see in the way Nicole’s eyes are red; in the way Nicole’s hair is disheveled; in the way Nicole’s face looks weary that something went down. Wynonna will always offer her a beer and the two of them will just talk about anything and everything, but not about the fighting; never about the fighting.

 

When Wynonna and her will be talking, she’ll always get a text from Waverly. Sometimes she calls, but almost always it’s a text. It always says the same thing.

 

_Please come home. I’m sorry._

 

_Home_ , Nicole will think. _She wants me to come home_.

 

Nicole will always oblige and go home, where Waverly will be waiting for her. They’ll kiss and make up, just for it to happen all over again in a week or so. They always stay at Nicole’s. It’s more private there and most of Waverly’s things are there. Nicole’s glad Waverly refers to her house as her home. It’s comforting because, no matter how much they fight, this will always be their home.

 

_but you hold your ground_

_when your kingdoms in flames_

_cause it’s the story of a queen_

_whose castle has fallen to the sea_

_knowing there’s no one who will be_

_a king that will come and save his queen_

 

Even when Nicole wants to call it quits and leave Purgatory for good, she doesn’t. She doesn’t want to be another person in Waverly’s life who left her; who promised to always loved her and just _didn’t_. The thought of herself ever hurting Waverly makes her sick to her stomach. Waverly, as complicated as she is, deserves nothing but love and respect and, from Nicole, that’s what she’ll get.

 

They’re fighting right now. It’s late, too late for them to be awake; too late for them to be fighting like this. They’re standing in the middle of the living room. Waverly had to work the late shift at the bar so she just got home not too long ago. Nicole’s in sweatpants and a t-shirt, staring at Waverly as she yells at her.

 

“Why in the hell is your ex in town?!” Waverly shouts.

 

Nicole can see the tears in Waverly’s eyes. Gosh, they’re already forming and they haven’t even gotten to the heated part of the argument yet. “I don’t know, Waves.”

 

“What do you mean you don’t know?!” Waverly asks, yelling. “She popped into Shorty’s and had the audacity to ask where you were!”

 

Nicole shrugs, remaining calm. “Baby-“

 

“Please don’t call me that right now,” Waverly says, her voice lowering. Her chin is quivering. “Not right now; not when we’re fighting.”

 

Nicole takes in a deep breath and slowly lets it out. “Okay,” she replies. “I honestly don’t know why she’s here. I don’t talk to her, Waves. Hell, I don’t even think I have her number.”

 

“Don’t lie to me, Nicole!” Waverly yells. There are tears making their way down her face now. “You know that she didn’t even know that I’m your girlfriend?!”

 

“How would she?” Nicole asks. “Like I said, we don’t talk. I haven’t talked to her since I told her I was moving here.”

 

“Don’t bullshit me, Nicole Rayleigh!” Waverly screams. Nicole watches as her body shakes. “Are you going to go fuck her?!”

 

“What?” Nicole asks, raising her eyebrows. “Why the hell would I fuck her, Waverly? I don’t _want_ her. You’re the only girl in my life.”

 

“You wanted her at one point in life,” Waverly points out. Her voice is wavering.

 

“Yeah, okay, at one point in life I wanted her,” Nicole admits. “Let’s not forget there was also a point in life where you wanted Champ.”

 

“Screw you!”

 

Nicole sighs. “Waverly, I can’t do this anymore,” she tells her. “I’m tired of fighting with you over ridiculous stuff like this. If you want the truth, here it is: from the moment I met you, I knew that I would love you. When you kissed me for the first time, I promised myself that I would never do wrong by you. You mean everything to me.”

 

“How do you know that?”

 

_when all she needs_

_when all she wants_

_when all she finds_

_when all she is_

_and ever was_

_is compromised_

 

“How do I know I love you? Is that what you’re asking me?”

 

Waverly nods her head.

 

Nicole lets herself smile. “Whenever I see you, my heart races a mile a minute,” she admits. “You’re so beautiful, Waverly. Sometimes I think you forget that, but I’ll always make sure you know how beautiful you really are,” she tells her. “Whenever you’re in the room, you have my complete attention,” she adds. “Sometimes I have to pinch myself to see if this is a dream; to see if you’re really mine,” she informs her. “And when I realize that these things are true, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world,” she continues. “Everything I am; everything I was; everything I will be is yours, if you want it. I don’t belong to anyone else; I belong to you.”

 

“You mean all of that?”

 

Nicole nods her head. “Of course, Waves. I’ll never lie to you.”

 

“So you really don’t know why Shae is in town?”

 

“I really don’t,” Nicole assures her girlfriend. “Quite honestly, I don’t even care why she’s here.”

 

Waverly smiles through her tears. It fades after a moment. “I’m tired of fighting, too. Sometimes it’s just easier to fight with you because-“

 

“Because you want to keep me an arms length away,” Nicole finishes for her. “Because even though I’ve proved to you time and time again that you can trust me, you won’t allow yourself to completely trust me,” she adds. “Because a part of you hopes that I’ll tell you I’m done so that you can protect yourself from getting hurt.”

 

Waverly sighs. “You don’t want to call it quits, do you?”

 

“Of course not,” Nicole says quickly. She swallows hard. “Do you?”

 

“No,” Waverly assures her.

 

“Then let me in, Waverly,” Nicole begs. “We can’t keep doing this. I need you. You’re all I’ve ever needed.”

 

“I need you, too,” Waverly replies. “And I…”

 

_cause there’s no one to love you_

_when you build your walls_

_too high_

 

“You what?”

 

“I love you,” Waverly says honestly. “I love you, Nicole,” she says again. “I love you,” she says for the third time, as if she’s only just now realizing it.

 

“You do?”

 

“I do,” Waverly smiles. “I really, really do.”

 

Nicole smiles, too. She feels like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders; a weight she didn’t even know was there. “I love you, too.”

 

“I know,” Waverly responds. “I’ve always known that,” she tells her. “I never forget that,” she adds. “I’m sorry it took me so long to say it. I was scared.”

 

“Of what?” Nicole asks. She walks closer to Waverly, thankful when she doesn’t flinch or turn away.

 

“That when I told you that, you’d leave me,” she admits. “That all of my insecurities would come true; that you would finally realize that maybe I’m not worth all of the baggage I come with.”

 

“Baby, I will never leave you,” Nicole says, reaching out for her girlfriend. She smiles when Waverly leans into her. “You’re worthy of everything good in this world. I’ll love you until you tell me to stop.”

 

“I don’t deserve you.” It comes out soft, almost tired.

 

“Waves-“

 

“I don’t,” Waverly interrupts her. “You’re so good to me, even when I’m screaming at you. You’ve never yelled back. You bring me flowers unexpectedly; you shower me in kisses, even when I don’t deserve them; you always make sure that I know you love me.”

 

_there’s no one_

_who is strong enough_

_to save your love_

_there’s no fairytale_

 

“Stop saying you’re not good enough; stop feeding your insecurities,” Nicole tells Waverly. “The moment you truly believe you’re worthy; the moment you stop second guessing my love for you, is the moment you’ll truly allow yourself to be happy.”

 

“It’s hard, fighting my insecurities,” Waverly admits. “It’s going to take time to put them at ease.”

 

“I’ll be here every step of the way,” Nicole assures her girlfriend.

 

“Promise?”

 

“I promise,” Nicole confirms. “We can put all of your broken pieces back together.”

 

“We’ll do it together?”

 

“Together.”

 

_and there’s no one to love you_

_when you trap yourself inside._

 

 

 

 


End file.
